Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
