If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's always time for handjobs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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