Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
