I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
