found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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