Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
