Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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