its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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