Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will be naked everywhere
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
