so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
