The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
