found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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