"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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