I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
