before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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