i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
