So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
