i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
