They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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