The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
