P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So. Much. Porn.
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