i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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