If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
