How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
