You made me cry and you don't even care
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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