you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
