Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
