I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
