life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
