just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
