If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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