We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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