he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I color on your dick again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
