He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
