Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
