Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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