It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
