Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
