Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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