Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.