I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
