Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
