i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
