She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think my moral compass just broke
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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