i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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