She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
