Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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