I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize