I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
