are you still at the devil's house?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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