it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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