TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
