I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
