id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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