I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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