Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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