I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
