Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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