at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
