matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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