is your mom at the bar?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
