went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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