You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
