Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
