Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
