I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
