too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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