dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
