We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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