sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
