I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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