I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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