What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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