Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
