Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
