Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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