oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
