my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
