Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
