he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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