if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
