shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
