i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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