the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
